Blessed

This past week has been long, tough, and irritating. College is draining, homecoming weekend was wild, and on top of everything I taught Sunday School this morning while our lead teacher was out of town. Needless to say I am exhausted.

This morning in my Sunday School class, Shea talked a lot about accountability and friendship (or maybe he talked a lot about other stuff and that's what I heard because it's what I needed). In high school I maintained a pretty consistent "buffer zone," only getting close to a few people and keeping the rest at a safe distance. Shea talked about how difficult it is to be honest with people about your sin and I was dying inside. Opening up and being honest with people isn't exactly my specialty, especially when discussing my shortcomings with my "perfect" friends.

After hearing Shea's lesson this morning, I really felt God laying things on my heart about my friendships and if I'm truly being held accountable or if I'm merely living how I want to and keeping up the facade. To be last year was a wandering year for me, and my shortcomings make up quite the long list. My sins were not merely lying to my parents or sneaking out; they were much darker and they bore much steeper consequences. This time of year, I am very aware of these sins. A year ago tomorrow I made the single-most regretted decision of my life, and it haunts me almost every day.

I say all this to set the scene, per-say. As I pondered how much I hate to see tomorrow roll around, I texted my friend Alainna. We haven't been good friends for all that long, but she's someone I trusted and I so needed to get some things off my chest. I poured my heart out to her and to my surprise she could relate to my poor decisions. My "perfect" friend is actually a real person! She so blessed me today just by listening to my rants and rambles, and I am so grateful to have her as a friend. Lord knows I needed her for this day exactly and for many days to come.

Mustard Seeds of Faith

As I've been preparing to go to India, I have been extremely stressed about the finances. I'm a worrier, a planner, and I don't like to leave things to chance; especially money. Because of that, raising $2700 seemed like an impossible task that would never even come close to being accomplished. I spent my days and nights running the numbers, calculating exactly how much each person would have to give in order for me to raise my full sum by March.

I'm sad to say that I doubted the Lord. It's not that I doubted His power, I just refused to give Him control. If there was any way to get this money, I was going to make it happen; just letting Him take over was not going to happen. This went on for at least a month and I came to the point of just praying to God and honestly and genuinely saying to Him, "Lord, I trust you. Even if it's the last day, I know that you will provide. You've got this."

Relinquishing control of the situation is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. Amazing things happen when you understand that you can't change something but God can; leave it to Him, and seek hard after Him in prayer! I cannot express the peace that He gave me about the situation, even with just a few hundred dollars raised, I had faith in His providence and provision.

At ECHO on Thursday, an offering was taken up for the three mission teams (India, Guatemala, and East Asia). After the service, a friend of mine came up to me and said, "You know, I've been praying about your trip and about you going to India, but it never occurred to me that you might need money." We had a little conversation that basically amounted to me explaining that I don't like to send out support letters to my (broke) college friends because I am just as tight on cash as they are. My friend asked me how much I had left to raise, and she walked away.

Later on that night, she came back up to me and just blessed me more than I can even begin to say. She told me how much she loved me and she told me that she had given a check to my team leader for my trip. I found out later that the amount of the check was $300. (In case you're wondering, that's three times what anyone else, families or otherwise, has given me.) Half of my support was due on Friday, and that check put me to the halfway point.

God provides. I cannot stress enough how faithful and trustworthy our Lord and Savior, Father and Creator, truly is. When you think you've exhausted all your options, He shows you an open door that you never saw before. When you're at the point of defeat, He restores you and shows you His unfailing love. He is the One and Only, the Lord of my life, and the author of my faith. I am so blessed to call Him my Father and my friend.

Matthew 17:20, "He replied, 'Because you have so little faith. I tell you the trust, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.'"