Blessed

This past week has been long, tough, and irritating. College is draining, homecoming weekend was wild, and on top of everything I taught Sunday School this morning while our lead teacher was out of town. Needless to say I am exhausted.

This morning in my Sunday School class, Shea talked a lot about accountability and friendship (or maybe he talked a lot about other stuff and that's what I heard because it's what I needed). In high school I maintained a pretty consistent "buffer zone," only getting close to a few people and keeping the rest at a safe distance. Shea talked about how difficult it is to be honest with people about your sin and I was dying inside. Opening up and being honest with people isn't exactly my specialty, especially when discussing my shortcomings with my "perfect" friends.

After hearing Shea's lesson this morning, I really felt God laying things on my heart about my friendships and if I'm truly being held accountable or if I'm merely living how I want to and keeping up the facade. To be last year was a wandering year for me, and my shortcomings make up quite the long list. My sins were not merely lying to my parents or sneaking out; they were much darker and they bore much steeper consequences. This time of year, I am very aware of these sins. A year ago tomorrow I made the single-most regretted decision of my life, and it haunts me almost every day.

I say all this to set the scene, per-say. As I pondered how much I hate to see tomorrow roll around, I texted my friend Alainna. We haven't been good friends for all that long, but she's someone I trusted and I so needed to get some things off my chest. I poured my heart out to her and to my surprise she could relate to my poor decisions. My "perfect" friend is actually a real person! She so blessed me today just by listening to my rants and rambles, and I am so grateful to have her as a friend. Lord knows I needed her for this day exactly and for many days to come.

Mustard Seeds of Faith

As I've been preparing to go to India, I have been extremely stressed about the finances. I'm a worrier, a planner, and I don't like to leave things to chance; especially money. Because of that, raising $2700 seemed like an impossible task that would never even come close to being accomplished. I spent my days and nights running the numbers, calculating exactly how much each person would have to give in order for me to raise my full sum by March.

I'm sad to say that I doubted the Lord. It's not that I doubted His power, I just refused to give Him control. If there was any way to get this money, I was going to make it happen; just letting Him take over was not going to happen. This went on for at least a month and I came to the point of just praying to God and honestly and genuinely saying to Him, "Lord, I trust you. Even if it's the last day, I know that you will provide. You've got this."

Relinquishing control of the situation is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. Amazing things happen when you understand that you can't change something but God can; leave it to Him, and seek hard after Him in prayer! I cannot express the peace that He gave me about the situation, even with just a few hundred dollars raised, I had faith in His providence and provision.

At ECHO on Thursday, an offering was taken up for the three mission teams (India, Guatemala, and East Asia). After the service, a friend of mine came up to me and said, "You know, I've been praying about your trip and about you going to India, but it never occurred to me that you might need money." We had a little conversation that basically amounted to me explaining that I don't like to send out support letters to my (broke) college friends because I am just as tight on cash as they are. My friend asked me how much I had left to raise, and she walked away.

Later on that night, she came back up to me and just blessed me more than I can even begin to say. She told me how much she loved me and she told me that she had given a check to my team leader for my trip. I found out later that the amount of the check was $300. (In case you're wondering, that's three times what anyone else, families or otherwise, has given me.) Half of my support was due on Friday, and that check put me to the halfway point.

God provides. I cannot stress enough how faithful and trustworthy our Lord and Savior, Father and Creator, truly is. When you think you've exhausted all your options, He shows you an open door that you never saw before. When you're at the point of defeat, He restores you and shows you His unfailing love. He is the One and Only, the Lord of my life, and the author of my faith. I am so blessed to call Him my Father and my friend.

Matthew 17:20, "He replied, 'Because you have so little faith. I tell you the trust, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.'"

What Is True Dependence?

Last night God really laid on my heart how dependent I am upon my own planning, intelligence, abilities, etc. If there is a way, I will make it happen; that's just the type of person that I am. That being said, I have a very difficult time letting go of control. If at all possible, I like to be the gal in the driver's seat.

Unfortunately for me, that is not how the Christian life works. The Bible calls me, as a Christian, to a life of total dependence on Christ. 1 Chronicles 16:11 says, "Look to the LORD and His strength; seek His face always." This verse clearly states the attitude I am supposed to have in every circumstance; whether it be a trail or a happy time, whether I'm stressed or relaxed, I am called to trust and believe in my Heavenly Father no matter what happens to be going on in my life.

Dependence is not just spiritual, either. Dependence is an everyday conscious decision that affects every aspect of your life, including physical, psychological, emotional, and financial. Being dependent on God means letting go of everything else. Lord, help me to let go.

Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths."

Waiting on the World to Change

Today I was driving and listening to John Mayer and one of his most popular songs came on: "Waiting on the World to Change." As I'm singing along to every word (his voice sounds like heaven's angels come down to Earth) I caught on to one key line that says, "It's not that we don't care, we just know that they fight ain't fair so we keep waiting for the world to change."

I've sung along to this song hundreds of times but this is the first time I really heard those lyrics. For the first time, I actually listened to those words and let them sink in. These lyrics have a sound of despair and acceptance. It's almost as if Mayer is saying "We care but we can't actually do anything about it so we'll just wait around for things to get better."

It's easy to be resigned to acceptance in today's world. A pretty common word that gets thrown around these days is "destiny;" whatever happens, happens, and there's nothing you can do about it. Our call according to Scripture; however, is much different. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline."Being complacent just because the world says we can't accomplish something isn't the right attitude to have. The Bible say that anything is possible with God.

So stop spending your weekends sitting at home! Quit wasting your time watching 25 hours of TV a week. Find something you're good at and do it! God has given each of us unique talents that can be used for His kingdom, and it is our responsibility to use them for His glory and His fame. Rather than be resigned to acceptance and complacency, get up and do something!

1 Timothy 4:14a, "Do not neglect the gift you have."

To Break Every Chain

Tonight was too good for words, but I'll still try my best to relay how amazing it was as best as I can. Worshipping with hundreds of college students at ECHO tonight took me back to Passion: the hands outstretched towards the Lord, students kneeling in reverence of His glory, and the joy in the words as we all sang His praise. The atmosphere tonight was completely, totally, 100% God. It was truly incredible.

One song we sang tonight said, "There is power in the name of Jesus to break every chain." I cannot begin to express how relevant these words are in my life. Time and time again I have fallen, but those slips and those chains of sin and doubt are nothing compared to the surpassing greatness and strength of my God and Father Jesus Christ! There is power in His name to break MY chains, and He did.

God is so good and so faithful. Even when I fail, He prevails. Even when I fall, He stands strong. When I prove myself imperfect over and over, He proves Himself perfect in His love, grace, and kindness. The depth of His love cannot be measured. His grace cannot be defined by the number of souls that will be with Him in eternity (although that would be a very large number). He cannot be expressed or explained by any human words or thoughts, and yet He has given us the great privilege to know Him and to love Him.

I am overwhelmed by the goodness of God. He has broken my chains, He has set me free, and He has made me alive in Christ. Though I once was dead in my trespasses, He brought me to life with His love and compassion. By His wounds I have been healed.

As I bask in God's incredible mercy, I am reminded of my failure to show His glory to my mission field: my friends, my campus, and my family. "Come awake, come and rise up from your grave!" No greater love will be found than that of Christ Jesus our Lord. No gift will be bought that is of greater value than the precious blood of Christ and redemption for our sins. He is worth my everything; He is worth my all.

John 5:25, "Most assuredly, I say to you, the hour is coming, and now is, when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God; and those who hear will live."

The Switch

It's the second day of the semester and today is a completely different story than yesterday. Thank the Lord for that.

I woke up this morning and immediately went to work. After two hours, I had only gotten through the homework for one class. Needless to say I was completely overwhelmed. I called my mom to discuss ordering some books, and she said to me, "I want you to seriously pray about changing your major." That was the breaking point.

I couldn't handle it anymore. Business is something I'm great at, but do I enjoy it? Not really. I broke down. It was like my whole life was crashing down. I had the perfect plan but it was falling down around me and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. (On a side-note, I love my mom. She came home early from work just to go to Reinhardt with me and meet with the Dean of the Price School of Education. It really meant a lot to me.)

At 11:30 my mom and I sat down with Dr. Curry to talk about the possibility of me becoming an education major. Praise the Lord, he even subbed some of my classes to make sure I got the most out of my courses. In the long run, I changed majors. Yes, folks, I am officially an early childhood education major. Granted I'm going to lose quite a few credit hours, but I love kids. All my spare time is spent with kids. This is a major I love.

Colossians 3:23, "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people."

Strength In My Weakness

I am stressed beyond belief right now. Everything went wrong today; I'm on the verge of tears just thinking about it. This morning I was enrolled in six classes, but by this afternoon I was only enrolled in five. Seeing the homework load just after one class session (and I only got through four classes before I dropped that class!) convinced me that it'd be too much.

On top of that, I already have homework in EVERY class. It's only the first day back! Two of my classes have homework assigned over Spring Break. First of all, it's called a break for a reason. Secondly, I won't even be in the country! When I talked to my professor (who also happens to be my advisor) about it, she informed me that I would be able to catch up that Sunday evening when I get back from India. WHAT?! Like the first thing I want to do when I get home is catch up in Human Resource Management.

I can't do this. I'm so overwhelmed. This isn't how school should be. I'm just so tired of trying to get by.

All I can do is pray for strength. Without His intervention, I will fail. Please, Lord, give me strength.

Exodus 15:2a, "The Lord is my strength and my defense; He has become my salvation."